My whole life I've grown up with innate people-pleasing tendencies. For whatever reason, the universe just seems to align for me when everyone is getting along, conflict is absent, disappointment doesn't exist, and everything is peachy keen with ice cream on top.
Drama makes me cringe. Conflict completely tugs at my soul until it's resolved.
I'm a tender-hearted softy whose feelings get hurt easily, and who desperately wants to make people smile.
In the depth of my heart I know three things to be true. I want to feel accepted. I want to feel loved. I want to feel wanted.
Don't we all?
It wasn't until college that I realized that people pleasing is a slippery slope and learned some good lessons...
Sometimes people, who you thought were your friends, change and you drift apart... and coming to terms with the fact that it's actually for the better. That standing up for what you believe doesn't always go over well with the cool crowd. That being true to yourself doesn't mean you're being selfish, it means you're being true to yourself.
And most importantly... I learned to embrace my imperfections.
And trust me, this wasn't an overnight quick fix. In fact, it's still an everyday demon for me to battle off doubts and insecurities that tend to creep in. But in my weakest moments, I know that I am done apologizing for who God made me to be.
I choose to be vulnerable.
I choose to be transparent.
I choose to be me... imperfections and all.
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I am the girl who double and triple checks the locks each night out of paranoia.
I am the girl with the lead foot who is incapable of going the speed limit.
I am the wife that totally intends on cooking a nice dinner after work until Chipotle sounds insanely easier on my drive home.
I am not the girl who gets song lyrics right... or even close... ever.
I am the girl whose eyes well up with tears on my way home when working with cancer patients all day has taken a toll on my heart.
I am the girl who orders whole wheat crust on my pepperoni pizza to make myself think I'm eating healthy.
I am not the girl who succumbs to blogging drama or pressure.
I am the girl who dreads setting my alarm to teach early morning Sunday school, and then instantly feels guilty after spending the morning with adorable 3rd graders.
I am not the wife who can successfully finish a load of laundry from start to finish (darn folding!).
I am the sappy wife who misses her husband the second he leaves. Every. Single. Time.
I am the girl who knows every Disney movie by heart, and would kick your arse at Disney Scene It.
I am the girl who fully intends on arriving on time, but always seems to find myself 5 minutes late.
I am the girl who is completely romanced by life's littlest blessings.
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The world is full of people trying to tell you who you need to be and how you need to get there. But you know what? Nobody knows who you are and what you stand for more than you.
So.
Be.
You.
Be confident.
Use your gifts.
Let yourself shine.
No apologies.
After all, life is too short to be anything but your beautiful self, darlin'.
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